I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
