Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
