we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
