11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
