So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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