I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
