I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
No...this little piggys going to the bar
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
