genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
