Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
