Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
