I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
