I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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