i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
