god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
