I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
