sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
