the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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