okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
