Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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