it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
