I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Text me some of your sweat
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
