4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so that wasnt chicken after all
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
