Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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