good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
