I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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