Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
