Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
