guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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