you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
