i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
