he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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