I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
