Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
