no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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