so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
