so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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