You really coming over, don't trick.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
