Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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