Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
