If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Found your dick twin last night
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
