girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
