I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have tasted many bathrooms
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
