A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
