I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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