I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
