dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
