I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish they made helmets for livers.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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