He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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