3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
