Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
