Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
