I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Who put my cat in the fridge?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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