kristin has been a bad kristin
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
