I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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