I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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