the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
